I shouldn’t feel this way.

I allowed the people in my life to be put before me, and in turn, they learned that I put myself last. I lied down in front of their place, and became a weathered door mat.

The thing is, I care too much about what other people think of me, my thoughts or opinions, and the things that I do. It seemed easier to keep to myself and focus more on them, I was out of the spot light, and the attention was never on me…. and I wondered why I felt so lonely. I trusted people that I shouldn’t have and I believed in people who did not deserve it. And in the end, I did not get the love that I gave away back.

So, this is me picking myself up, dusting myself off, and leaving behind a life where I did not care about myself. I have to, for me, or I will allow myself to slip through the cracks. A fate that I will surely not recover from.

All that I have ever wanted in life, was to be happy. Genuinely happy. I want to be able to look at myself in my reflection without thinking negatively. I want to be able to not beat mysef up over small things. I want to be able to not worry so much. I want to be fearless. I want to love and be loved back unconditionally.

That means that I will have to be selfish. I will have to learn to put myself first, above everything else. And I will let my heart lead me where I need to go, instead of the footprints of my loved ones. I have to see where the path will take me or risk losing myself.

This one is for me.