I’m trying to chase them out of my head, these negative thoughts, but they keep coming back around again when I least expect it. And I wince as if someone just stabbed me. Mental pain leaves far worse scars than physical, dangerous because they can be hidden so well.

Redirecting them is a challenge, rubber bands can only do so much and I fear for the day that they are not enough. I strive for a day when they lay dusty inside a forgotten drawer. Out of sight, out of mind.

It all happens so fast. I’m smiling or laughing at something you said and it creates a ripple. One little thought starts a wave until they come crashing down on me. Until I have fought so long that I can no longer swim and I give in to a watery grave.

You try to keep me afloat, but I’m just trying to keep my head above the water.