My mind is constantly thinking ahead. I’m counting down days, going over my schedule, wordlessly making plans, strategizing on how I approach future situations, and learning new ways to get myself up and out of bed on time the next morning.

Every thought comes from one idea: How my life is going to get better. Some solutions are easy for me to think of, go to bed at a decent time, drink enough water, remember to eat three meals a day, and spend a good amount of time with the people that I love. Other solutions provide challanges, redirecting negative thoughts, stop consuming so much chocolate, and ask for help when it is needed.

It’s hard to be the change when you see no change, I am fighting for myself every single day. To stay strong, to keep pushing, and to learn to love who I am. However, I do fall down, sometimes I am wrong, and my stubborness can get in the way of a good thing.

I’m looking at the bigger picture, seeing all of the blacks and whites change color, it’s very suttle, and then, it’s all at once. Focusing on the colors and not how they got there, gets me through the day, to become the person I need to be.

I may not know who this person is just yet, but, I hope that she is kind even when people are cruel, stern when she needs to be, has the strength to do anything she sets her mind to, is intelligent and knows how to use her brilliance for great things, is loved unconditionally, and always helps people in need.

She’s the kind of person that you deserve, someone who can hold a smile on her face, who can laugh at anything, who can express her words freely, who can handle any situation that you throw at her, and who can bring you all of the happiness that you could ever need.

All of those things, and more. I believe that she, that woman, lives in me. She has slowly been making appearences for a while now, but she was too afraid to come out.

And that’s okay, because my mind, always thinks ahead. So when it’s time to change color, she’ll be ready.