Lately, I’ve had this heavy weight on my chest every time a familiar face came across my mind or my social media page.

It makes me wonder what they think when I come across their screen, or they hear my name. Do they ask others how I’m doing? Do they want to reach out and ask how my Tuesday went? Do they wish me well?

Often times due to my anxiety, my mind tend to live in the past. I worry about things I say, what I could have done better, and why I chose the path I took. I revisit memories I had with those long distance friends.

It’s never anything bad, just missing them to an extent and it makes me feel guilty. I don’t reach out as much as I use to, I’m busier now than I was then, and being in two different states plays a huge factor. However, this is a fleeting feeling.

I’m not that nineteen year old driving around, seeing my friends daily, not having a care in the world about where I am or where I will be and not having true responsibility. I’m getting older. I have a full time job, a serious relationship, two dogs that depend on me, family that I see often, hobbies that I regularly do, and local friends to see.

If that’s true of me, I can assume that their lives are just as hectic too.

It’s not that we aren’t friends, we just aren’t teenagers anymore. It’s not that we talk less, it’s that we get trapped in every day life. When I remind myself of it, the weight is lifted. I have to remember that just because it’s a feeling, doesn’t mean we have to choose to keep feeling it.