It’s honestly hard for me to enjoy social activities most days. I’m awful at conversations, I switch my words, I stutter, I try to make a joke that doesn’t go well, I make one comment and it’s misheard – the experience suddenly shifts for me.

It feels a lot worse than what it actually is in the moment, but it’s enough to make me never want to leave the house. I’ve turned into someone who avoids events.

I’m not a big fan of parties because I sit on the wall and watch a world of people interact. In smaller gatherings, the spot light is on whoever is talking…I fail at small talk.

I wish I was more social, more confident with the people surrounding me but it hard. I’m drowning in a sea of people who grew up together. I’ll never be as close to them as they are to one another.

It hurts to be misheard. I hate that I can’t see an outcome where I throughly enjoyed myself with no regrets. How can I even get to that point? I guess I’ll keep trying.