No one prepared me for the heartbreak of planning a wedding.

It’s not the compromise, or picking colors, it’s not deciding who to put next to whom at a table. It’s not even who to invite or what food should you serve. All of those tasks seem – easy compared to right now.

It’s the aftermath of those decisions in the age of social media and absentee family members breaking their vow of silence. It’s the comments of:

“Would have been nice to be included.”

“My brother will be heart broken if he’s not invited.”

“Thanks for the invite.”

“My feelings are hurt.”

From people who don’t say happy birthday, didn’t grow up going to soccer games, haven’t talked to me in years (despite seeing me at family events), and couldn’t tell you one fun fact about me other than how we are related. Without a single congratulations from their lips.

But instead, they will beg me to allow them to have a plus one. I try to guilt trip myself into inviting people and telling them they will pay for the meals, drinks, or whatever is necessary to bring someone else. They will complain that they weren’t included or complain it’s in a different state than where they live.

And instead of saying thank you, instead of allowing me to live in my happily engaged bliss – I have to justify that my decisions are my decisions simply because I want them as so.

I have to remind them, this is my wedding – come or don’t. It’s not about the money, it’s not about excluding people, it’s about celebrating my future husband and I’s commitment to each other – forever. That I want an intimate wedding, small people that are an intricate part of my life, of his life.

And I lie awake at night and wonder why they couldn’t spare the kindness that I would spare them.

Because I’m not entitled to anyone’s life. That won’t stop me from being happy for them, that won’t stop me from telling them congratulations, and if I was included, I’d happily be present. However, if I wasn’t, that’s not going to stop me from wishing them the happiness they deserve.

My wedding, is not a family reunion. My wedding is not a party to bring your own ride home. Its my day, and I’ll continually fight for what I want because that’s all that matters.

No one prepared me for that, so I had to prepare myself. I will choose to say my peace and walk away.