Confidence. This is a topic that came up yesterday when I was speaking with my manager in regards to some of my coworkers. The technicians that are there I feel like confidence and what they are doing and that’s why we’re experiencing a delay in getting our surgery, patients prepped quickly and into surgery for the doctor.

She brought up the fact that maybe I am right, that they lack confidence and she simply shrugged and said “I get that. I guess that I don’t feel that type of anxiety because I’ve always been a very confident person.” Which got me thinking about my own personal life.

I think in some ways I do lack of confidence. Like in my appearance, when I’m trying new things (like working out at the gym by myself on new equipment), and even at work when I am asked to make a call during the situation. I don’t think that this means that I am not confident, I just think that there are areas in my life that I do hesitate on.

I was confident enough to ask my husband to stay in the yard when I first met him to hang out, I was confident enough to leave Virginia on my own and pack up my entire apartment, I am confident enough to hold boundaries in my relationship, relationships, and value where I stand and not allow people to walk over me.

I think the difference between me and her is that I do not have arrogance. I know that I’m not always right. I know that there are better ways to do things and I know when to admit I don’t know or that I don’t feel comfortable doing something. That I don’t think she is afraid to fail because she is not used to failing. Whereas I have failed 1 million times and it does not feel good and that holds me back.

When I think about it, I do not think that this makes me less of a person. I think it makes me more human and I think it makes me more approachable and more accepting. I am not limited by arrogance. I am pushed forward by acceptance.

That was my big thought today when I went to the gym by myself. I went on for new machines that I have never used before and I used them correctly. I ran my best mile under 10 minutes and I am ready to face the rest of today because I will be coming home to a date night with my husband.

I feel beyond thankful today.