I’ve been thinking a lot about my little ticks the past couple of days. (I have Asperger’s, this isn’t something that I share with people I know. I don’t want it to be my defining thing when they look at me).

Except it’s harder to hide it from people who are good at looking for it. Which, recently my brother’s girlfriend made a comment to which my brother confirmed. (I’d like to point out that I’m not mad or upset by it, it just doesn’t often get pointed out or questioned).

The comment was about my “compulsions” related to cleaning. Recently we showed her a tour of the house to which I scolded my brother about showing her our messy guest room, but I was told, “it’s not that bad!”.

But this is what my brain chooses to focus on, are my cleaning habits really a compulsion? Should I be ashamed of this? (No, I shouldn’t because it’s who I am.) then again, this makes me questions what other things I am obsessive about.

I thought about this all day, along with the nagging feeling that my sunroom and guest room needed cleaned – surprise, surprise I cleaned it today.

I guess if the worst I can get is compulsive cleaning, it truly can’t get too bad. I think I’ve just masked my whole life, when someone unmasks me – it can be jarring.

It’s also crazy to think that therapy when I was a kid, they taught you how to mask. They teach you masking with emotions, facial expressions, etc.

Yet now, they teach you to embrace yourself and love your differences. So, I’ll focus on that instead.