A few days ago, my brother had indirectly accused me of being pregnant since I haven’t drank any alcohol. (Reminder: one of my New Year’s resolutions was to cut out alcohol).

So he kept asking me to drink his drink because he wasn’t convinced. So I did. (I’m not counting the one sip, it is what it is). Afterwards he went back down stairs and left it alone.

Tonight at dinner, he brought up New Year’s resolutions. Brandon apparently joked his was cutting sweets (like he didn’t order Girl Scout cookies the other day – 3 boxes of them). So, I mention that I gave up alcohol.

It’s like a light bulb went on in my brothers eyes as he put two and two together. Then goes, “Alright, which ones are yours so I can drink them.” As he opens the fridge.

It’s even funnier to me to have the same conversation with my brother sober and my brother drunk with two different outcomes. Keeps life interesting in our house.

I am a Type A person. I am not ashamed by it and it is what it is. However, it doesn’t mix well with some people who are more, go with the flow and whatever is fine. I am not bothered by people who are like that if it is not an event that I am organizing, because it is not in my control, just let me know when to show up.

I organized and planned my entire wedding and the only things that went wrong were the drink people did not bring my Whiskey for my Whiskey sours and the caterer arrived late – both out of my control. I ran the whole show on time without even glancing at my phone once, just intuition. I am proud of that because it is the best memory to hold about your wedding day.

I do not do well with making plans, then changing them three times before the day even happens. It naturally, annoys me. I am a planner and I like sticking to my schedule, even if I have nothing else going on. I try not to fuss or complain about it but every now and then it is my biggest tick. (I feel like this is also associated with my Autism, but that’s another story).

My in-laws are very go with the flow and change plans on a dime. Which is fine, but it does bother me when plans were made, then canceled, then rescheduled and then added another day on. I just try not to say anything because the last thing I want is to hurt people’s feelings because my pet peeves are being petted. (And deep down it’s a me issue?)

So we will either go out to Mexican (where I can’t have a margarita because I chose to cut out alcohol) on Friday night, Saturday afternoon or Saturday night. Then we will watch our parents exchange gifts on the opposite Day since they never got together for Christmas. And my parents do not know yet because the message has not been relayed.

My head hurts thinking about it.

Music hold memories for me. I was driving to work today listening to my workout playlist, it ended and started shuffling music that is similar.

I felt as if I was transported back to high school in the back of my best friends car. We were parked at the gas station, gearing up to pull out and our song at the time came on, Pierce The Veil’s song King for A Day. I distantly remember all three of us, her girlfriend included, screaming and singing to one another until the song ended.

Then, another song came on. It was Slipknot’s song Psychosocial. I was brought back to riding in Jerry’s truck on the way to a soccer game. HE was tired of us requesting the Jonas Brother’s album and told us we needed to get hyped up and taught us how heavy metal is one of the best genre’s out there.

I heard Car Radio by Twenty-One Pilots, it reminded me of a piece of poetry that my friend wrote that was beautiful and based off of that song.

Even though the people have long faded out of my life, I cannot help but smile at the moments that we use to share together. Even if the friendships turned sour, I still have happy memories to admire.

I added those songs onto my work out playlist for some nostalgia. I’ll spend the rest of the day humming them, cannot say I am disapointed.

I have trouble with focusing, I feel as though my attention is grabbed in three different directions and that I have so much to accomplish to make everything work. Obviously, I have ADHD but it is only ever really had a bad time focusing occasionally. Especially, late at night.

I was laying in bed yesterday overthinking about my plants. I am concerned that the amount of leaves dropping, is more than the normal amount – I know during winter they may drop even more and it is considered okay.

First, I doom scrolled. I read all about potential illnesses, pests, and imperfections that could go wring with my plants. Brandon chimed in every once in a while trying to help.

Second, I got onto amazon and ordered more support for my large Monstera, a moisture level for my plants, a light meter, new drainage plastic cups, and some bigger pots to possibly replant my Harry Styles. (I know, repotting in winter is a huge no, but I am DESPERATE. I need him to stop balding).

I’m determined to keep learning and keep my plants happy and healthy. I understand that sometimes that means that they may die regardless of what I try or do but I figured, hey, at least I am trying. I cannot get upset by trying.

After my doom scrolling, amazon ordering, and out loud thinking, my brain decided to focus on another pointless task. I started focusing on my writing. I was an insomniac, still am, bad when I was in early years of college. This was in Michigan when I would travel from Kalamazoo to Cedar Springs for the weekend.

I would hide in my room at Grandma and Randy’s, it was late at night, I would take my benedryl, then this collections of thoughts would just spill out of me. I had this small hand held notebook that I would carry everywhere and just jot down anything and everything. Then I would type it all up on my laptop stringing it all together.

I thought about having another handheld notebook – but that would be another notebook that I would have to keep up with. My next thought was what if there is something I can use like an app that will transfer through all of my devices.

There was nothing on the app store that I could find that would fit it for me, so I settled for the notes app that is already installed on all of my devices.

I fell asleep typing on my notes app, just anything that came to my mind. I woke up at 2am with my phone in my hand.

This morning it made it a little harder to get up and work out, eventually, I forced my body out of bed and did my morning routine.

Do I need ADHD medicaion, or just more coffee? Let’s start off with the cheaper one.