I was on the fence about telling V. However, one look at the gym and she flat out asked me – I just told her because I had no idea how to steer that conversation in a different direction, but I’m so happy I told her. Because now, I have someone I can confide in,

I told everyone at work (since we do surgery I would be at risk) and everyone was super supportive and excited for me. Which is exactly the reaction I truly needed. My favorite was Dr. M’s.

You see, this was my set up in the break room:

When Dr got there, I heard her go, “oh my god. Where is she?” As she ran down the hallway and asked me if I had a bun in the oven. I don’t think we’ve ever hugged as much.

It meant the world to me to have that support system this early. I know I’ll be in good hands.

I already contacted my insurance and set up my first visit with my OB. I cannot believe it, I’m beyond excited.

I’m so grateful that with all of this, I have a loving husband as a supporter. It’s all I can ask for.

Today was the day we took a pregnancy test. After all night of tossing and turning – even dreaming of positives, my wish came true.

The first test we took, I did not leave it in urine long enough so it was unreadable.

When the timer went off for the second one, I flipped it over, not expecting much and gasped – positive. Immediately I started crying. My husband was crying.

And then I promptly took two more tests – all positive.

I cannot begin to express how happy I am or how lucky we are to begin this new journey.

For now, I am enjoying just the two of us knowing. I know I’m going to share it with my best friends soon. Hopefully over a FaceTime coffee date. V will know just because she sees me in the mornings, I need to keep my fetus in mind when working out.

We both agreed that ten weeks would be when we told family. So we plan for Mother’s Day, since we always get together (both families) then.

I think my favorite part is that my sister in law is pregnant too, she just announced. So we will be going through this journey together and I hope it brings us closer.

Wish me luck tomorrow, I will have to make the announcement so that I am not pulled into anything that puts me at risk. (Mainly surgeries with gas)

Looking forward to people being just as excited as I am!!

I don’t have much to say today other than I am grateful for this life, I’m grateful for my husband who makes me happy. I’m grateful for my friends who care about me. I’m grateful for my pups.

Bonus: here is a comparison of Nyx and my new planter that we painted yesterday!

Today, I took a break from the gym. From all the heavy lifting and time on my feet yesterday, I needed longer to lay there and rest. It was worth it.

Tonight, we are watching a movie and pairing flower pots with my brother and his girlfriend for her birthday this weekend.

I’m especially excited about my flower pots. Here is the before:

It’s suppose to be a cat, but I’m gonna make it look like Nyx, my cattle dog because I think it will be fun. I’ll have to post a picture when it is done. My strategy is to draw on it with a pencil before hand.

I’m looking forward to pizza, Dr. Pepper, and painting pots tonight!

Today, I had the best day. Work started off Rocky since we were running a man down. (I’ll try to leave our gore details as I talk about it, but fair warning it involves surgery!)

Since I am one of the strongest ladies and one of the ones who know how to handle aggressive patients, I signed up to be the assistant in surgery that day working alongside one of my technicians.

Our first surgery was an emergency pyometra surgery. (A pyo is a uterine infection that is a result of leaving a female intact. This can be life threatening and if we didn’t quickly spay her, she would have died).

I was watching the surgery, as my doctor began to pull out the uterus and my technician was monitoring. She stated that she needed a hand – and I was that hand, I got to assist as she ligated vessels and when it was done, I was handed this uterus c a r e f u l l y – because we were in the splash zone. (7.5 pound uterus by the way and HUGE).

The second surgery we had an emergency c section on this sweet as can be pitbull. (Accidentally bred, and in trouble since the first pup was a stillborn, and the rest were stuck). We all had a plan and a job to do. Spay this dog, and get the babies out and immediately start resuscitating them. So we all, stood by hands at the ready.

And doctor looks at me and asked again for a second hand – I think I put those gloves on in 5 seconds flat and I was right back in surgery holding the pups still in the uterus.

I helped doc maneuver them and ligate again, but we discovered the stuck pup and we could not remove the uterus and pass it off to the other doc to get the pups out. We had to get them out right then.

Essentially, I milked this pups out of the uterus and passed them along individually to people to start warming them with doc. While this happened, blood poured down to which my shoes took a massive hit. (I threw mine in the washer and it came out great, however, I wore doc’s shoes and let’s just say…clown shoes on me).

All three pups lived. The mom lived. And our pyo was back to her aggressive self when we discharged her this afternoon.

I love veterinary medicine.

Today at lunch, we were chatting about weddings. Me and a couple of my coworkers were recounting on some special moments and funny moments throughout our wedding days.

It was so nice to revisit those times and it made me smile. But it made me more excited for the days to come as well.

We talked about my coworker having her baby and I talked about when we finally get pregnant how excited we would be.

I realize now that I am full-blown baby fever just awaiting for positive results. I thought about this while I was sitting there and crocheting a baby blanket. A baby blanket that I would keep if I had a girl.

I thought about how I may not be a traditional mother. I don’t care about gender reveals if anything that would be an intimate thing between me, my husband and the dogs. Because of course they have to be included, they’re the ones that got us together. I thought about how I wouldn’t stick to blue or pink. But rather purple or sage green, just like our wedding colors.

The blanket that I was making is a tie-dye yarn and it is purple and gray and white. I am making it one large green square blanket and it looks great so far it just makes my uterus ache a little bit.

I know that when the time comes, it’ll be perfect, but I can’t help but admit that I am impatient. I know I’m just so ready for this phase of life. It just excites me and frustrates me all at the same time. 

I have a massive migraine, today feels like one of those days where I want to melt into bed or on the couch and do utterly nothing.

Also, I cannot crochet any animals…I am especially bad at it. So I think that I will stick blankets and things.

Also, how is it only Tuesday? Someone send medicine for this headache.

My next attempt is to make amigurumi (crocheted stuffed animals). I’ve never been good at the magic circle -tonight I mastered it.

I started working on a duck, and I’m hoping tomorrow I will master it as well to sell at the next market in April.

I’d like to say that I am also obsessed with dirty Dr. Peppers. A vanilla protein shake from Aldi’s and blackberry Dr. Pepper. It’s delicious and I can barely taste the vanilla, the black berry is strong.

I’m also thinking about how a week from tomorrow, I will either get my period or, I can be late. I’m crossing my fingers that it is the second one.

All I’ve been thinking about is how wonderful it is to have a family. To have those family plans. It’s my dream. One day I’ll achieve it.

Anyways, happy Saint Patty’s day!

I’ve been thinking a lot about my little ticks the past couple of days. (I have Asperger’s, this isn’t something that I share with people I know. I don’t want it to be my defining thing when they look at me).

Except it’s harder to hide it from people who are good at looking for it. Which, recently my brother’s girlfriend made a comment to which my brother confirmed. (I’d like to point out that I’m not mad or upset by it, it just doesn’t often get pointed out or questioned).

The comment was about my “compulsions” related to cleaning. Recently we showed her a tour of the house to which I scolded my brother about showing her our messy guest room, but I was told, “it’s not that bad!”.

But this is what my brain chooses to focus on, are my cleaning habits really a compulsion? Should I be ashamed of this? (No, I shouldn’t because it’s who I am.) then again, this makes me questions what other things I am obsessive about.

I thought about this all day, along with the nagging feeling that my sunroom and guest room needed cleaned – surprise, surprise I cleaned it today.

I guess if the worst I can get is compulsive cleaning, it truly can’t get too bad. I think I’ve just masked my whole life, when someone unmasks me – it can be jarring.

It’s also crazy to think that therapy when I was a kid, they taught you how to mask. They teach you masking with emotions, facial expressions, etc.

Yet now, they teach you to embrace yourself and love your differences. So, I’ll focus on that instead.

I feel over critical of myself today. We had the market, which went….okay. Admittedly, I have been having mood swings and I took it out on my mom today because I was frustrated. I couldn’t figure out this pattern that she used previous on a project she asked me to finish. I did it and redid it five times before I gave up and she did it. She sat down and did a few before standing up and actually interacting with people.

I feel that the first hour or so was my fault. Grandma did feel well, I was angry for no reason, and mom seemed sad.

Everyone started interacting and talking, I watch mom sell a couple of earrings and Gram sold some dominos, even her resin axolotls were a hit.

The only things I sold were two bags…to my own brother and mother in law. So I am disappointed in myself, but this was an experience and I have about a month to do other things.

The worst part is my mom had three earrings get stolen. I can’t help but blame myself for us sitting for the first part.

I need to find balance. I need to actually sleep and feel comfortable in my skin. If I’m miserable, I need to keep it to myself.