I do not have the energy to write much today. I stared at the ceiling until 3am, fell asleep and got up and went to the gym at 5:30 with V.

I felt like a robot all day walking around drowsy. I drank coffee immediately.

Today we had game night with the family and my mom’s Friend. Uno no mercy means exactly that – no mercy!!!

Pray for my sanity, I feel like I’m sleeping with my eyes open.

Today, V asked me what color reminded me of her. I told her that she was green, a sage green. Calming and putting her peace above everything. I told her I think that’s why we get a long so well. Because green reminds me of nature and nature always makes me feel at home.

She told me that I was purple. A lavender purple most days filled with kindness and calm. That I remind her of spring time because I can be bubbly and bright with the right people by my side. But I can also be dark purple, when I am passionate and standing up for what I believe in.

That made me think about the people that surround me, what colors they maybe.

My husband is yellow. (Reminds me of the song Yellow by Coldplay). He is bright and joy. He radiates happiness and makes me feel like a warm summer day. I’ve always called him my sun, he brought life to me when I thought my days were over.

My brother is blue. Which is calming, peace, authority. He reminds me of someone who is confident, does things his own way – no one else’s. But he is also one of the number one people that I trust and I hold that dear.

I encourage you to surround yourself with people who have complementary colors, like I do, it brings such balance and happiness.

Today was a half day for me. I went in early and left at noon. I went to the gym with V and we did our first cardio day. She did amazing! I’m so proud of her, we did alternative running and walking for two minutes. We did it for a total of 20 minutes. she ran 1.3 miles and I ran 1.5.

Then we did core workout which was nice. We sat there and just talked about life and work. It was a nice middle of the day workout.

Then I ran to Aldi’s to pick up more softer foods for my husband to eat since he got his root canal. And I forgot a quarter, which you need in order to use a cart. So I piled everything in my arms and balanced them all the way to the check out.

After I got back home, I begun to deep clean the house. I went through everything In our bathroom, cleaned the living room, cleaned our walk in closet, and finished washing our blankets.

Now I am sitting on the couch with my dogs, going to crochet some and watch Hell’s Kitchen.

I’m tempted to drink a glass of wine. I haven’t really drank much since the beginning of the year. I had champagne with Brandon… that was the only full glass of alcohol that I have had. (It was celebratory). I’ve tasted some here and there since. I’m just scared for my fertility. I know one glass won’t hurt, especially because I’m not ovulating today. But my mind likes to wander.

I think I might have a glass.

Today, I am exhausted.

My mind is clouded with all of the responsibilities sitting on my shoulders. Responsibilities that I sometimes want a break from. Laundry. Cleaning the floors. Dusting. Washing and drying our bedding. Putting away laundry. Wiping down the cabinets.

While the rest of my mind is thinking about the clutter that lay just beyond my reach. The bottom of our walk in closet. Every drawer in our bathroom. The junk drawer in the kitchen. The pantry.

Some days, it’s hard to have a work, life balance while making sure I maintain my hobbies. Other days it’s easy.

It’s been a hard week.

Generally, I save time on the weekends to do deep cleaning, organization, and basic chores that get away from me. This weekend, I did not since it was filled with birthday celebrations and a baby shower.

I got a head start on it since I got out work early today. I have a half day tomorrow as well to be some want productive, however, it’s not what I want to do.

I want to crochet and watch trash tv. I want to read my book that’s getting to the good part. I want to play my game because I haven’t touched it since the update.

Mostly, I want a week off from my daily chores and responsibilities. Especially since I’ve picked up others chores this week as well. I crave balance.

I crave a vacation from me.

Sometimes, I find myself reflecting on how I come across to others, and honestly, I often feel a bit guilty for the way I might unintentionally affect the people around me. I tend to be a bit more on the irritable side, which means many things I say have an edge to them—an undertone of irritation that I don’t always intend. It’s just part of who I am, and it’s a struggle I deal with on a daily basis. The thing is, most people don’t know that I’m autistic. I don’t share that part of myself unless I’m in a deeply personal relationship, so it’s a side of me that goes unnoticed or misunderstood.

I guess this is one of my flaws—or maybe just a characteristic of my personality. I wear a “mask” every day, keeping my true emotions in check, but sometimes I can’t hold it up. My voice becomes monotone, my face goes blank, and I’m not always aware of it. Then, every so often, I get reminded of how my words and actions impact others more than I realize. And that can sting.

Take today, for example. My husband texted me while I was at the gym. It was a simple message—he forgot to take the trash to the curb. No big deal in the grand scheme of things. But when he followed it up with, “I’m sorry that I failed you,” I was caught off guard. I hadn’t meant to make him feel like he had done something wrong, especially over something so small. But that was his perception, and it hit me. Was I really coming across as that harsh or critical?

It made me think—if he feels that way over something as trivial as trash, what else does he hold back from me? How often does he avoid telling me something because he worries about my reaction? And if I’m making him feel like this, how do I come across to others? Do my friends feel the same?

I never intend to sound frustrated or upset, but after a long day—after being up for over 12 hours between work and the gym—keeping the mask up becomes exhausting. It feels like a chore, and in those moments, I can’t help but let it slip. That’s when I realize I need to be more mindful of how I communicate with people, especially those I love.

I’m trying to be more aware. I need to approach situations with more grace—both towards myself and others. I need to recognize when I’m tired and take a moment to pause, to reset before responding. More than that, I want to have a conversation with my husband about how I can be better, without making him feel like he’s done anything wrong. Mistakes happen. They don’t mean failure.

I also need to remind myself that I deserve grace, too. I need to let go of the perfection I expect from myself and give space for understanding—especially in the moments when I’m running on empty.

I’m learning to navigate these feelings, and I’m hopeful that as I grow, I can find more balance between being my authentic self and being mindful of how I show up for others.

Today I hate that wing. I spent the majority of my day trying to sew my crochet projects together with fabric to attempt to make a lined bag. Obviously it didn’t go well.

My machine is not built for thicker fabrics, such as yarn, which is the frustrating part. Because I literally do not use that sewing machine and that’s the one thing that I would potentially use it for ha ha.

Deep down I am sad that I did not get my Grandma’s skill with sewing machines, but at least I got the crochet skill.

I am making the crocheted handbags, just not lining them. But I did pick up some zippers and I really wanted to make a couple of make up bags for the market.

There is one more Hail Mary that I could try that my mom showed me. It is called a stitch witch? It’s a way to iron on fabric and yarn and get them to stick together without having to use a needle and thread. Because the only other option I have is to hand sell it and let me tell you that’s not gonna happen.

I am feeling a little overwhelmed because I am not as far as I wanted to be making these projects for the market. To be fair I don’t think I had enough time to make a bunch of things anyways, but still.

Tomorrow, I am going to be answering the phones at work and hopefully getting an early so that I can fast for my ultrasound for my gallbladder. Everything should be fine and I’ll go routine but fasting is not my favorite.

Send good thoughts!

I’m stuck on a pattern for a crochet bag that I am making and it is driving me nuts. I cannot tell you how many times I have undone it and redone it – the top of the bag makes no sense to me because I’m following the pattern – the video provided has no shot of the top,

So I decided to try to utilize what I have made and make a different bag. But I feel the overwhelming thought that I won’t have much done in the next two weeks.

I suppose something is better than nothing, though,

Anyways, my social battery is a little low this evening, I must sleep.

I honestly think that I am dreading this weekend. I’m the type of person who really needs a rest day without socialization and we have a fully packed weekend with birthdays and baby shower celebrations. I’m happy to be included for both, I just know that my social batteries is going to be super drained.

After this week, I think I just feel more exhausted than anything. I haven’t been able to sleep well all week. The only good night sleep I got was Tuesday night. After working hard at the gym all week every muscle in my body is also so sore.

All I am craving right now is curling up on the couch and crocheting underneath a big blanket with a glass of Dr Pepper blackberry pop and a good TV show that could melt my brain.

I’m hoping that I will have time this weekend to go to Joanne’s with my mom. I’m also hoping that I have time to work on the projects that I will be selling in March.



All I am thinking about is after I get home tonight working on the bag that I am working on now. And thinking about a better way to log my projects and what I use so that I can redo projects in the event that I have a special order.

I am hoping that ChatGPT is going to be a lifesaver. 

All I’ve been thinking about today is the fact we got accepted as a booth to sell our crafts in Mid March. Admittedly, it’s not a hard thing to do, however, it feels more personal to me since we are using my late grandma’s name as inspiration of our brand name.

Flora handmade company. Three generations of women doing crafts and selling it. With me, doing the craft that was handed down to me by her.

So again, I went to Hobby Lobby with my mind spilling with ideas on crochet projects and spent more than I should have. But you know what, it’s okay.

For the first time in a long time, my mind feels at peace. These projects have inspired me and my brain is moving with ideas.

Right now, I’m stuck on granny squares. Anything with them in it (except for blankets with hand sowing of course). The past few I’ve made have been purses or bags of some sort.

I purchased left over fabric today as a place to start with sowing some inserts of bags. They were discounted, so if I hated the outcome or ruined it, at least I spent under five dollars on each of them.

So I am going to bed with two main points in my head : ordering tags off of Etsy with a tag with our brand on it and a log to write down my patterns, yarn colors, crochet hook, skeins used, etc. (Google docs?….but I need a pretty template.)

I have been on a granny square kick – that is, as long as it doesn’t end up in a hand-sowing blanket anyways. I found a couple of new patterns where I am making them and then crocheting them together.

Currently, I’ve been making bags. So I am planning on using the sowing machine that I have to sow on zippers and liners.

Which bring me to something new that I have never done – fabric shopping.

The only time that I have ever shopped for fabric was when we were redoing the upholstery in our original camper (Dolly Pop up will always have my heart).

But this is different, I would be shopping for fabric to keep until I needed it or had a project to match. Right now my idea is plain zippers (white, black, grey) as well as neutral insides. Simply just to line the inside of the bags.

Potentially, adding some to a crocheted blanket. I think it would be easy to knock out a few blankets a week (especially if it’s granny square).

I never thought I’d be planning on it fabric shopping ever in my life. I knew that I have always been crafty. But I didn’t think I would pick this up.

It reminds me of my Grandma D. She loves quilting. I don’t know if I will ever be into it, but at least I know where I can ask all of my fabric questions and get guided on it.

Deep down, I’d be honored to pick up more of her hobbies. I know she wouldn’t mind helping me either, just another way that we can bond. And right now that means the most to me.