Today, I am exhausted.

My mind is clouded with all of the responsibilities sitting on my shoulders. Responsibilities that I sometimes want a break from. Laundry. Cleaning the floors. Dusting. Washing and drying our bedding. Putting away laundry. Wiping down the cabinets.

While the rest of my mind is thinking about the clutter that lay just beyond my reach. The bottom of our walk in closet. Every drawer in our bathroom. The junk drawer in the kitchen. The pantry.

Some days, it’s hard to have a work, life balance while making sure I maintain my hobbies. Other days it’s easy.

It’s been a hard week.

Generally, I save time on the weekends to do deep cleaning, organization, and basic chores that get away from me. This weekend, I did not since it was filled with birthday celebrations and a baby shower.

I got a head start on it since I got out work early today. I have a half day tomorrow as well to be some want productive, however, it’s not what I want to do.

I want to crochet and watch trash tv. I want to read my book that’s getting to the good part. I want to play my game because I haven’t touched it since the update.

Mostly, I want a week off from my daily chores and responsibilities. Especially since I’ve picked up others chores this week as well. I crave balance.

I crave a vacation from me.

Sometimes, I find myself reflecting on how I come across to others, and honestly, I often feel a bit guilty for the way I might unintentionally affect the people around me. I tend to be a bit more on the irritable side, which means many things I say have an edge to them—an undertone of irritation that I don’t always intend. It’s just part of who I am, and it’s a struggle I deal with on a daily basis. The thing is, most people don’t know that I’m autistic. I don’t share that part of myself unless I’m in a deeply personal relationship, so it’s a side of me that goes unnoticed or misunderstood.

I guess this is one of my flaws—or maybe just a characteristic of my personality. I wear a “mask” every day, keeping my true emotions in check, but sometimes I can’t hold it up. My voice becomes monotone, my face goes blank, and I’m not always aware of it. Then, every so often, I get reminded of how my words and actions impact others more than I realize. And that can sting.

Take today, for example. My husband texted me while I was at the gym. It was a simple message—he forgot to take the trash to the curb. No big deal in the grand scheme of things. But when he followed it up with, “I’m sorry that I failed you,” I was caught off guard. I hadn’t meant to make him feel like he had done something wrong, especially over something so small. But that was his perception, and it hit me. Was I really coming across as that harsh or critical?

It made me think—if he feels that way over something as trivial as trash, what else does he hold back from me? How often does he avoid telling me something because he worries about my reaction? And if I’m making him feel like this, how do I come across to others? Do my friends feel the same?

I never intend to sound frustrated or upset, but after a long day—after being up for over 12 hours between work and the gym—keeping the mask up becomes exhausting. It feels like a chore, and in those moments, I can’t help but let it slip. That’s when I realize I need to be more mindful of how I communicate with people, especially those I love.

I’m trying to be more aware. I need to approach situations with more grace—both towards myself and others. I need to recognize when I’m tired and take a moment to pause, to reset before responding. More than that, I want to have a conversation with my husband about how I can be better, without making him feel like he’s done anything wrong. Mistakes happen. They don’t mean failure.

I also need to remind myself that I deserve grace, too. I need to let go of the perfection I expect from myself and give space for understanding—especially in the moments when I’m running on empty.

I’m learning to navigate these feelings, and I’m hopeful that as I grow, I can find more balance between being my authentic self and being mindful of how I show up for others.

Today I hate that wing. I spent the majority of my day trying to sew my crochet projects together with fabric to attempt to make a lined bag. Obviously it didn’t go well.

My machine is not built for thicker fabrics, such as yarn, which is the frustrating part. Because I literally do not use that sewing machine and that’s the one thing that I would potentially use it for ha ha.

Deep down I am sad that I did not get my Grandma’s skill with sewing machines, but at least I got the crochet skill.

I am making the crocheted handbags, just not lining them. But I did pick up some zippers and I really wanted to make a couple of make up bags for the market.

There is one more Hail Mary that I could try that my mom showed me. It is called a stitch witch? It’s a way to iron on fabric and yarn and get them to stick together without having to use a needle and thread. Because the only other option I have is to hand sell it and let me tell you that’s not gonna happen.

I am feeling a little overwhelmed because I am not as far as I wanted to be making these projects for the market. To be fair I don’t think I had enough time to make a bunch of things anyways, but still.

Tomorrow, I am going to be answering the phones at work and hopefully getting an early so that I can fast for my ultrasound for my gallbladder. Everything should be fine and I’ll go routine but fasting is not my favorite.

Send good thoughts!

I’m stuck on a pattern for a crochet bag that I am making and it is driving me nuts. I cannot tell you how many times I have undone it and redone it – the top of the bag makes no sense to me because I’m following the pattern – the video provided has no shot of the top,

So I decided to try to utilize what I have made and make a different bag. But I feel the overwhelming thought that I won’t have much done in the next two weeks.

I suppose something is better than nothing, though,

Anyways, my social battery is a little low this evening, I must sleep.

I honestly think that I am dreading this weekend. I’m the type of person who really needs a rest day without socialization and we have a fully packed weekend with birthdays and baby shower celebrations. I’m happy to be included for both, I just know that my social batteries is going to be super drained.

After this week, I think I just feel more exhausted than anything. I haven’t been able to sleep well all week. The only good night sleep I got was Tuesday night. After working hard at the gym all week every muscle in my body is also so sore.

All I am craving right now is curling up on the couch and crocheting underneath a big blanket with a glass of Dr Pepper blackberry pop and a good TV show that could melt my brain.

I’m hoping that I will have time this weekend to go to Joanne’s with my mom. I’m also hoping that I have time to work on the projects that I will be selling in March.



All I am thinking about is after I get home tonight working on the bag that I am working on now. And thinking about a better way to log my projects and what I use so that I can redo projects in the event that I have a special order.

I am hoping that ChatGPT is going to be a lifesaver. 

All I’ve been thinking about today is the fact we got accepted as a booth to sell our crafts in Mid March. Admittedly, it’s not a hard thing to do, however, it feels more personal to me since we are using my late grandma’s name as inspiration of our brand name.

Flora handmade company. Three generations of women doing crafts and selling it. With me, doing the craft that was handed down to me by her.

So again, I went to Hobby Lobby with my mind spilling with ideas on crochet projects and spent more than I should have. But you know what, it’s okay.

For the first time in a long time, my mind feels at peace. These projects have inspired me and my brain is moving with ideas.

Right now, I’m stuck on granny squares. Anything with them in it (except for blankets with hand sowing of course). The past few I’ve made have been purses or bags of some sort.

I purchased left over fabric today as a place to start with sowing some inserts of bags. They were discounted, so if I hated the outcome or ruined it, at least I spent under five dollars on each of them.

So I am going to bed with two main points in my head : ordering tags off of Etsy with a tag with our brand on it and a log to write down my patterns, yarn colors, crochet hook, skeins used, etc. (Google docs?….but I need a pretty template.)

I have been on a granny square kick – that is, as long as it doesn’t end up in a hand-sowing blanket anyways. I found a couple of new patterns where I am making them and then crocheting them together.

Currently, I’ve been making bags. So I am planning on using the sowing machine that I have to sow on zippers and liners.

Which bring me to something new that I have never done – fabric shopping.

The only time that I have ever shopped for fabric was when we were redoing the upholstery in our original camper (Dolly Pop up will always have my heart).

But this is different, I would be shopping for fabric to keep until I needed it or had a project to match. Right now my idea is plain zippers (white, black, grey) as well as neutral insides. Simply just to line the inside of the bags.

Potentially, adding some to a crocheted blanket. I think it would be easy to knock out a few blankets a week (especially if it’s granny square).

I never thought I’d be planning on it fabric shopping ever in my life. I knew that I have always been crafty. But I didn’t think I would pick this up.

It reminds me of my Grandma D. She loves quilting. I don’t know if I will ever be into it, but at least I know where I can ask all of my fabric questions and get guided on it.

Deep down, I’d be honored to pick up more of her hobbies. I know she wouldn’t mind helping me either, just another way that we can bond. And right now that means the most to me.

The past few days, I have not been motivated to go to the gym. However, that did not stop me from showing up. I ran on the treadmill yesterday for 3 miles and today I chose to do ab workouts.

I also discovered another ad machine that I loved although it kicked my ass. I am proud. I also unfortunately got my period yesterday which was not the outcome I wanted.

I’m trying to remain positive and just keep going. Yesterday was a lot with answering the phones. I got a lot of price, shoppers and rude people which comes with the job I understand.

Today I’m just thinking about fitness goals. Because in the meantime, I can achieve those and I am proud. V should be feeling better and I’m hoping is going to join me at the gym tomorrow morning and for the rest of the week. I miss having a gym buddy.

Today when I was on the app machines in the back corner of the gym these two girls came up and they were so chatty and having a good time and I honestly resented that. Because I was there by myself and also because they were so loud I could not think straight And I was surprised that nobody asked them to quiet down or to leave. I just finished my workout and moved onto the bike to finish up for the morning so I wasn’t around them too much.

This morning, I was going to try to finish a bag that I started but looking at it now I did one of the straps on the wrong side so I am laughing at myself as I am undoing this strap and I can’t believe I didn’t pay more attention to it last night. I was trying to figure out why it didn’t work and now I know ha ha

I’m gonna try to spend the rest of the day laughing at myself because honestly at this point I think I might cry

I felt as if I had no sleep last night. I couldn’t fall asleep or stay asleep. When my alarm went off I cursed myself and rolled out of bed fifteen minutes later. Disappointment and my period came with a vengeance, all I wanted to do was go right back to bed.

Yet, I drug myself outside and forced myself to go to the gym. V is sick, so I ran on the treadmill for forty minutes. I made it 3.15 miles which is the longest I’ve ever ran on a treadmill. I’m proud I did at least something, but I feel it in my ankles now.

I had a dream that I was pregnant, it was a girl. (Oh the irony, right?) it was so intense. I had a dream that I wasn’t feeling well, I told my mom and she suggested that I take a pregnancy test, which came back positive. I was so happy in my dream and we celebrated. Then my pregnancy went by so fast and I had a girl.

I’m trying not to get down about it, but sometimes it’s hard. No one ever prepared me for this. Sex education made it seem like it was easy to conceive. I guess being an adult, and not wanting to have kids until now, I never truly gave it much thought. But these next two weeks are going to be a bitch waiting for ovulation.

Anyways, it’s Monday and I am hoping that I have enough emails, text messages, and phone calls to get me through the day.

Another lazy day down for us, but I feel like I accomplished a lot in my crocheting ways. I FINALLY got done with the granny square blanket I’ve been working on for months (the one that got put on hold when I decided to pick up the baby blankets). Here is a close picture:

Then, I immediately started another project (a smaller one, that my mom could sell with her jewelry crafts). Get this: granny square bag.

Now, I know what you’re thinking…it took me months for a blanket that I swore at every step of the way…why would I sign up for another one? Well this one I crocheted together and it looks great. It’s still in progress but:

That’s as far as I got within the six hours of on and off working on it. But when I crochet it into bag form it will look more like this:

But I’ll add straps, of course. It looks smaller than what I thought it would be but it’s pretty cute.

Although, I neglected to clean or fold the other half of my laundry today… I will have tomorrow to do that. I don’t regret spending my weekend any other way.

Now I am going to try to read a few chapters before my body deems its bed time because five in the morning comes early.