This morning, I was really lazy. Typically on the weekend I am rolling out of bed by 9am the latest but today I laid there until 10am. I knew I had to get up right then if I wanted to shower and get some stuff done before my facetime date with my best friend.

I stayed up later than I typically would while watching RomCom movies with Brandon, and we ended up taking a nap yesterday, which threw my schedule way off. But that’s what lazy weekends are for.

Today, we woke up to more snow – have I mentioned how over the snow I am? And the weatherman told us it would just be an inch… Let me tell you how wrong he was. There is at least five in my front lawn and no one has plowed my street yet. My fingers are crossed that the snow stops and the plows get working so I can go to the gym and work tomorrow.

I cannot express how much I hate driving in snow. I am not a very confident driver in it and since I’ve been in an accident with it, it makes it ten times worse. I have full confidence that will will plow, but probably not until like 6pm tonight, that’s what happened last time.

Anyways, I am torn for what to do for the rest of my day. On one hand, I know that The Sims rereleased Sims 2 for PC players in the EA app (which I have most of the CDs but maybe this will run smoother?) and sitting on the couch doing nothing like yesterday. Not that I didn’t enjoy it, but I am running out of Ideas of things to watch and my hands are cramping from crocheting these baby blankets. (I’m finishing the third one for the fourth time now and then I have to focus on my last one!)

Crocheting baby blankets is just giving me the craving to make my own blanket; I know this is too soon for me, considering I have not had a positive test yet. But, I know it will.

If I take an early detection one, I can take it on the 19th, and I just might.

Anyways, coffee date time!

Short post today.

I spent all day soaking in the laziness of the this Saturday. We did go to Walmart to look for one of my want list plants – did not have it. But I picked up more Dr. Pepper Blackberry and stuff for Root Beer float that I had been craving. (Yes, still having cravings, 10 days until I can take a test).

I’m finishing out the baby blanket for my coworker (for the fourth time – don’t ask). But I’m determined.

Happy Saturday!

Confidence. This is a topic that came up yesterday when I was speaking with my manager in regards to some of my coworkers. The technicians that are there I feel like confidence and what they are doing and that’s why we’re experiencing a delay in getting our surgery, patients prepped quickly and into surgery for the doctor.

She brought up the fact that maybe I am right, that they lack confidence and she simply shrugged and said “I get that. I guess that I don’t feel that type of anxiety because I’ve always been a very confident person.” Which got me thinking about my own personal life.

I think in some ways I do lack of confidence. Like in my appearance, when I’m trying new things (like working out at the gym by myself on new equipment), and even at work when I am asked to make a call during the situation. I don’t think that this means that I am not confident, I just think that there are areas in my life that I do hesitate on.

I was confident enough to ask my husband to stay in the yard when I first met him to hang out, I was confident enough to leave Virginia on my own and pack up my entire apartment, I am confident enough to hold boundaries in my relationship, relationships, and value where I stand and not allow people to walk over me.

I think the difference between me and her is that I do not have arrogance. I know that I’m not always right. I know that there are better ways to do things and I know when to admit I don’t know or that I don’t feel comfortable doing something. That I don’t think she is afraid to fail because she is not used to failing. Whereas I have failed 1 million times and it does not feel good and that holds me back.

When I think about it, I do not think that this makes me less of a person. I think it makes me more human and I think it makes me more approachable and more accepting. I am not limited by arrogance. I am pushed forward by acceptance.

That was my big thought today when I went to the gym by myself. I went on for new machines that I have never used before and I used them correctly. I ran my best mile under 10 minutes and I am ready to face the rest of today because I will be coming home to a date night with my husband.

I feel beyond thankful today. 

I did it, today I went to the gym by myself, and damnit I am proud of myself. It was leg day and I was determined to get a good workout and I did. V texted me that she wasn’t feeling well and then I asked her for a few more leg workouts. (I remembered all but two.)

Even though I am extremely proud of myself, I still feel very emotional this morning.. I was too tempted and took a pregnancy test yesterday. Obviously came back negative but I am going to test again on the 25th. My stomach was cramping, I am having mood swings like crazy, I am peeing a lot (I cut down my water in take), I craved Dr. Pepper Blackberry real bad last night (I know this might just be a me thing), and I am fatigued fast these days. Although these are all symptoms, I know that doesn’t mean that I am pregnant….but a girl can hope. Send baby dust my way! I’m feeling really impatient.

Honestly, I’m glad that tomorrow is Friday and I have weekend plans with Brandon for Valentine’s Day and then coffee with my best friend in Virginia over FaceTime to catch up, I miss her so much.

I’m going to try to keep positive today and keep to myself. I want to avoid unnecessary crying…which sounds so lame. But tiny mistakes right now will send the waterworks and I am NOT interested. Please if I cry, let me cry in peace on break or in the car on the way home.

Send me positive thoughts today please! My mental health needs it.

This morning, I allowed myself to sleep in since I planned on working out after work. And in the morning I was emotional. I got upset over small things and wanted people to genuinely leave me alone.

I don’t understand where that feeling came from. But my mood swung from happy, to irritated, to sad, to doing okay. The rest of the day I was okay…but I still feel like lingering sad feeling.

Mood swings are a pregnancy sign… and honestly I hope that’s why I feel mentally teetering on the edge. I know chances are slim on your first try, but still. (I’m counting down the days I can take a text and confirm it).

Anyways, I left work around 1 pm and headed home. I planned to meet Vanessa at the gym at 2:30pm. We did back and biceps today but she had to leave to help family out. It was a nice warm up to what next week is going to look like for me – she’ll be out of town and I will be on my own.

Side note: she called me her best friend today (which obviously she is my best friend, but when I get a reassurance…it’s always so nice). I never feel like I’m anyone’s anything, it’s nice to be reminded. She told me I can text her on her trip about workout plans – so I confessed that I had been secretly writing our workouts down so that I can do them while she’s gone (she realized that’s why I ask what everything is called). Anyways.

I know I can do it, I just need to let myself be confident. (After all what am I scared of? – people approaching me or correcting me…which isn’t the worst thing in the world).

I finished my work out alone, then ran on the treadmill for 25 minutes hitting 2 miles and then heading home. My body feels throughly worked out and I’m proud to have hit some PRs today.

My brother helped me cook today too. He helped make home made collard greens (look, I’m an amateur chef at best) and they tasted amazing. I will definitely add them into my regular sides.

I started the day off sad and emotional and I’m ending it thankful and proud.

I’m gonna tell you right now, I love my job. I love going to work everyday, helping pets feel better, chatting with clients, making connections by helping their pets. But I will be the first person to go home early if asked – if our schedule is empty.

The thing is, I do not want to deep clean or literally scram for stuff to do. I’d rather watch paint peel. I would rather be chucked by a 50 kg dog into a wall during a nail trim. I would willingly feed my fingers to a maligator. (Belgian Malinois – for my Non-Vet-Med people). Basically, anything other than having an empty schedule.

Having a mundane task simply just to fill the time while I am at work is not mentally stimulating to me because I’m thinking of all of the other things that I could be doing if I was home. And if I was home, those tasks would be more satisfying to me. If I deep clean the rooms at work – I come home to my house needing the same thing.

Plus, I’ve been early in all week….I’d like to leave early for once. I take into consideration other people leaving early (unscheduled) and you know I feel that it’s time. (Maybe it’s selfish but hey, self care).

So, I offered to stay half the day. I’ll get everyone through lunches (the ones that are closing) and then I’m going to take off. Tomorrow, I’ll go to the gym after work instead of before…although I’m tempted to get on the treadmill tomorrow morning to keep my schedule regular.

When I got home from work, while dinner was cooking (chicken Alfredo), I swept and mopped the floors. So mentally, I am taking care of tasks I would have done tomorrow anyways – which feels good.

I never sit down, I’m never lazy. I always take advantage of the spare time that I have available to me to tackle tasks that I typically would do when my husband is occupied with a project or thing of his own.

I love cleaning, it soothes me. I am also a product of my environment. If my environment is messy, I feel messy and my mental health is disrupted. I believe this is a thing with type A personality?

Like I could take the extra time to do something I want to do. Like read more chapters of my book, play the game on my PS4, plays sims on the computer, draw, write, take the dogs on a walk, give my plants some TLC – but I always think of one task that leads to another, then another, then another….then I run out of “me” time.

Ultimately, my main focus everyday is how to accomplish my tasks/never ending to do list. (I use the finch app too…it helps!!) These tasks are never just about me. It’s doing the dishes, caring for my plants, cleaning, laundry, taking my vitamins, drinking water – just basic maintenance for my every day life.

So, I’ll allow myself to be selfish and leave early when I can. It’s good for my mental health, and I’ll never compromise that.

Next week V will be gone visiting a friend, that leaves me going to the gym by myself. I’m not opposed to this – I just have to sum up the rest of my confidence in order to do it. I know I can do it, it’s just a matter of will I.

I started writing down what machines we did in the gym today as we were doing them, so at least I had a reference when I do go.

I feel like such a gym baby, but that’s okay. At least I am getting up and doing it. I’m proud to say that this is week 3 and we both see a difference in ourselves and each other.

V has gotten slimmer and I feel like my muscles have become more defined – which is what we wanted.

I just wanted to go on a health kick before we started a family – this will probably be the best shape that I will ever be in and then never again. (Well, I hope again – but you know how hard it is with a family).

Anyways, happy Monday. I’m gonna go burn my tongue on oatmeal again!

I realize that I should be sleeping by now but I have my head stuck in a book. The second book of ACOTAR. I struggled with this book last year and took a break, but now I am back to it and I think I am actually retaining more of the book.

Some nights, I only read one chapter. Other nights, I read a hundred pages easy. I know that it gets good soon (I won’t spoil anything) but I am dying for that point right now.

Everyone loves to be so inspired or daydream about their favorite book -(right?) – when you have free time in your reality. Currently, I’ve been craving romance. I cannot get enough of it. Which is strange, because I have always been an action or mystery girl.

I wish that I could dedicate more time to reading tonight, but I am the 8am person tomorrow and I have to get up early for the gym.

I’m half debating on brining it and reading at lunch – but I know I’d have a hard time going right back after reading. (Or stopping in the middle of a chapter – drives me nuts!).

Honestly, I haven’t wrote much in my spare time lately because I haven’t felt inspired. Mostly, reading inspires me or even everyday life every once in a while.

So for now, I’ll rest my head. But I’ll be damned, I think I’m team Rhysand.

Short post today since we are in a couples weekend. We took the dogs for a hike and then went shopping.

I keep telling myself I do not need more plants…yet I keep acquiring them.

Today I am having lunch with my mom, she’ll be in town around the time of my lunch, so she asked me if I wanted to go out. She took a part time job being a substitute teacher a few miles from my job.

I’m excited because we are going to Chick-fil-a and I have been craving their frozen coffee since Dr. M ordered it for her kids for lunch yesterday.

I’m more excited because after work, we are leaving for the weekend. The cabin is going to be so nice and I’m so happy that the dogs will be coming with us. They love going on adventures with us.

This morning, had a slow start so I hope that this day will go by super fast. I ran out of my regular allergy medication, so I woke up with my sinuses hating me. We did a light workout at the gym, when V left I jumped on the treadmill and ran a slow two miles. My goal is to get my mile under ten minutes, I ran one that was ten minutes and five seconds…I’m close but it feels forever away. Although the treadmill helped stretch out my sore legs and I feel like I can walk again like a normal human.

I’m room float today, so I will be helping wherever I can. I’m happy to have gotten a break this week from running rooms. The past two weeks I felt like that is all that I have done. I got to be in surgery both days this week.

My highlight is that we spayed a guinea pig yesterday. It was so impressive and I loved being apart of it even if I was holding the tube to gas her and taking vitals. I’m so happy I got to be apart of it and watch it.

Happy Friday!