Music hold memories for me. I was driving to work today listening to my workout playlist, it ended and started shuffling music that is similar.

I felt as if I was transported back to high school in the back of my best friends car. We were parked at the gas station, gearing up to pull out and our song at the time came on, Pierce The Veil’s song King for A Day. I distantly remember all three of us, her girlfriend included, screaming and singing to one another until the song ended.

Then, another song came on. It was Slipknot’s song Psychosocial. I was brought back to riding in Jerry’s truck on the way to a soccer game. HE was tired of us requesting the Jonas Brother’s album and told us we needed to get hyped up and taught us how heavy metal is one of the best genre’s out there.

I heard Car Radio by Twenty-One Pilots, it reminded me of a piece of poetry that my friend wrote that was beautiful and based off of that song.

Even though the people have long faded out of my life, I cannot help but smile at the moments that we use to share together. Even if the friendships turned sour, I still have happy memories to admire.

I added those songs onto my work out playlist for some nostalgia. I’ll spend the rest of the day humming them, cannot say I am disapointed.

I have trouble with focusing, I feel as though my attention is grabbed in three different directions and that I have so much to accomplish to make everything work. Obviously, I have ADHD but it is only ever really had a bad time focusing occasionally. Especially, late at night.

I was laying in bed yesterday overthinking about my plants. I am concerned that the amount of leaves dropping, is more than the normal amount – I know during winter they may drop even more and it is considered okay.

First, I doom scrolled. I read all about potential illnesses, pests, and imperfections that could go wring with my plants. Brandon chimed in every once in a while trying to help.

Second, I got onto amazon and ordered more support for my large Monstera, a moisture level for my plants, a light meter, new drainage plastic cups, and some bigger pots to possibly replant my Harry Styles. (I know, repotting in winter is a huge no, but I am DESPERATE. I need him to stop balding).

I’m determined to keep learning and keep my plants happy and healthy. I understand that sometimes that means that they may die regardless of what I try or do but I figured, hey, at least I am trying. I cannot get upset by trying.

After my doom scrolling, amazon ordering, and out loud thinking, my brain decided to focus on another pointless task. I started focusing on my writing. I was an insomniac, still am, bad when I was in early years of college. This was in Michigan when I would travel from Kalamazoo to Cedar Springs for the weekend.

I would hide in my room at Grandma and Randy’s, it was late at night, I would take my benedryl, then this collections of thoughts would just spill out of me. I had this small hand held notebook that I would carry everywhere and just jot down anything and everything. Then I would type it all up on my laptop stringing it all together.

I thought about having another handheld notebook – but that would be another notebook that I would have to keep up with. My next thought was what if there is something I can use like an app that will transfer through all of my devices.

There was nothing on the app store that I could find that would fit it for me, so I settled for the notes app that is already installed on all of my devices.

I fell asleep typing on my notes app, just anything that came to my mind. I woke up at 2am with my phone in my hand.

This morning it made it a little harder to get up and work out, eventually, I forced my body out of bed and did my morning routine.

Do I need ADHD medicaion, or just more coffee? Let’s start off with the cheaper one.

The roads were cleared enough this morning to make the trip to work. I forced myself to get up this morning, work out (it was arm day..thank god I am CSR so that I don’t have any lifting), and then leave early enough to take it safe on the roads. I blasted my work out playlist the entire drive, naturally filled with A Day To Remember, Bring Me The Horizon, and Rise Against songs to jam out to.

My day is filled with training our new Veterinary Assistant. So far, it seems like she is retaining the information that we are giving her and asking good questions as the day goes on. This gives me hope for the rest of her training. It’s hard to stay in veterinary medicine, the mental load alone is hard to carry most days. She sort of reminds me of a younger me, when I entered Vetmed, I was only twenty-two, just like her.

It’s nice to sit back and train all day, it’s a nice cushion coming in from a three day long weekend. I’ll be here until 5pm tonight, hoping that there are plenty more phone calls, emails, and text messages to tend to prior to doing close down stuff to get out on time for my appointment.

Every 3-4 weeks I got ge tmy nails done by one of my friends. It is a nice little self care tool that I have done since my wedding. I enjoy having my nails done and having them look nice. I do think it has been helping them grow as well. They are long enough to hinder my typing, and I cannot wait to ask her to cut them down a little so that I can actually function.

of course, I have no idea what I am going to do for them today. I was thinking maybe a light purple with white flowers on my ring fingers? Maybe lavendar flowers – I’ll figure it out.

On another note, it has been seven days and I am still going strong on my New Years resolutions and goals. I have not drank Alcohol, I have been working out with only one rest day so far, and I am writing every day without failing. It’s nothing significant but, I am pretty proud of what I’m doing. If I can do simple tasks like this, I can do anything.

Now, I am going to finish my cup of coffee and enjoy the rest of my lunch break before diving into this afternoon. Nothing beats Caramel Macchiato.

I think I have too many hobbies. Managing them occasionally can be a little tiring, but rewarding all at the same time.

I feel as though my hobbies waver depending on the day.

I love crocheting because it brings new projects and joy when they are gifted to people or just used at home in general. My sister in law still wear the hat I made her two Christmases ago, it means the world to me.

I love writing (obviously) so I aim to write and blog everyday. I find it a good way to exercise my brain. It also allows me to let go of those small thoughts that swirl around my head. I work it out on my own.

I enjoy working out. It allows me to expend all of the tension from the morning or the day. I also get to watch my progress grow and I feel better and better about myself every week. I’m so proud of myself for it.

I like drawing because it gives my mind something to focus on entirely, the fine details, and the color variation. I do not draw often but when I do, I always seem happy with the outcome.

I have fun playing video games too. There aren’t many games that capture my attention long enough to play for hours on end.

I love plants. I love caring for them, watching them grow, and acquiring ones from my wish list.

Sometimes one hobby or another will be neglected, it’s not on purpose, I just get overwhelmed and I need a moment to take a deep breath.

I’ve been getting better at maintaining them through a helpful app for self care called Finch, which sounds ridiculous but it truly works for me.

I gain rewards by doing simple tasks and it helps me keep up on things I enjoy, and my mental health. It makes it easier to stay on top of household chores and even my self care.

I have tasks set for cleaning the house, washing our bedsheets, doing one thing I love (any of my various hobbies), doing laundry, and drinking plenty of water throughout the day. It truly helps.

For whatever reason this gives me a sense of accomplishment and I’ll keep doing what I can to keep up with my mental health this year.

Now for today’s hobby: crocheting! (Hopefully attaching some granny squares together).

Here is ther verdict: My Macbook’s battery needs replaced, the irony is that is going to cost me more than it is worth. The question of the night last night was: Trade in and upgrade or replace the battery. Ultimately, I choose to trade and upgrade because as the technician at Apple kept saying, “I would be concerned how much longer you will be able to access certian websites and this Macbook of this age…is no longer recieving updates.” Essentially, mine is a dinosaur – yet, works perfectly fine other than the pad track and battery. For eight years old, that’s impressive to anyone. It’s the longest a laptop has ever lasted me – so I do intend to get a new one.

Until then, I need to focus on saving and praying that this one won’t kick the bucket in the mean time. It makes me feel good that this laptop has survived so much and it only took an old battery to offically think about retiring it.

So, this morning I needed to focus my energy on something that would make me happy before I wrote on my dying Macbook. I decided to do my plants care in the morning, something I typically save for before bed, and I added some new paste to my plants that need encouragement on growing new leaves. It says it can take two-eight weeks to start showing any signs of growth, but I choose to put my hope in that. My baby Fig Leaf (Figaro) is hanging on and my poor golden pothos (Harry Styles – because duh) is balding.

I cleaned the house to keep my body moving, and now I am headed to brunch with my in-laws while we wait on the impending snow storm to hit us tomorrow night, I am going to try to get as much sun as I can.

Thank god for heated jackets.

When I am most inspired and ready to roll – I seem to always hit a road block. This little speed bump happens to be my MacBook. When I got home last night, I had a few mintues before my husband got home, I put dinner in the oven and logged onto my laptop to look over some community colleges in the area.

I noticed when I opened my Macbook, the battery was fuller. Using it for 10 mintues brought my battery down significantly and in my curiousity, I clicked on the battery symbol. There is a caution sign with a note that reads “Service recommended”.

So, I go to a chat on apple support. What comes of it is: Your battery capacity is not within the normal limit and I need to have a technician look at it to see what it wrong. I made an appointment but I am not very optimistic about the potential outcome.

In reality, My Macbook is old (not too too old). It is a 2017 Macbook Air, and I have put it through hell and back in these last 8 year between school, photography editing, Sims 4 obsession every 6 months, and writing. I would hate to part with it, but sometime I wonder if upgrading would be beneficial or the better choice for me. (But I do not have $1000 laying around for a new one, nor is my trade in value worth it – $80, if you were curious….That’s it).

I am hoping there is a better option after they take a look at my Macbook tonight. I just have to decide if fixing my battery for $300 (That’s what Google estimates it as – they can never tell you for sure until you’re there). Is going to be worth hanging onto this for a few more years versus commiting to an expensive purchase.

Honestly, I cannot help but laugh at my luck. If I’m laughing, that will make it easier, right?

Anyways, keep my poor Macbook in your thoughts. (I know it will consume mine).

I want to graduate with a degree. Each passing year it seems more and more impossible but it weighs heavier on my conscious. I began a degree in Biology, wanting to pursue Zoology – but not knowing th outlet I can plug into following graduation.

I grew discouraged and took a break for my mental health – now it has been 5 years. Since then, I fell in love with veterinary medicine, but I do not have any prospects when it comes to if I want to be a technician or not.

If I am being honest, I don’t know that I would be good at it if I went to school for it and I cannot face another failure. However, dropping out has been one of the bigger disapointments I have found in myself.

I have thought about finishing my biology degree and just having it in my back pocket (I mean, lots of people have degrees they don’t use) versus seeing if any of my previous credits would be counted towards a technician license.

Yet, I find myself more and more at home with the idea of writing. Writing for what reason, I do not know. I love blogging, I love poems, and I love writing stories. Again, my fear of failure does not get me very far. I simply write and no one ever reads it.

I realize at twenty eight I should have it all figured out, or at least have an idea of what I want to do for the rest of my life. So, I suppose I am going to try again and see how far I get.

All I know that I want in life is to be happy. I am happy with my husband and love life, we are going to start a family and being a mother is so exciting, and I just want to live comfortably, which we are. So to me, this is all just a bonus.

Time to look into colleges again.