My next attempt is to make amigurumi (crocheted stuffed animals). I’ve never been good at the magic circle -tonight I mastered it.

I started working on a duck, and I’m hoping tomorrow I will master it as well to sell at the next market in April.

I’d like to say that I am also obsessed with dirty Dr. Peppers. A vanilla protein shake from Aldi’s and blackberry Dr. Pepper. It’s delicious and I can barely taste the vanilla, the black berry is strong.

I’m also thinking about how a week from tomorrow, I will either get my period or, I can be late. I’m crossing my fingers that it is the second one.

All I’ve been thinking about is how wonderful it is to have a family. To have those family plans. It’s my dream. One day I’ll achieve it.

Anyways, happy Saint Patty’s day!

I’ve been thinking a lot about my little ticks the past couple of days. (I have Asperger’s, this isn’t something that I share with people I know. I don’t want it to be my defining thing when they look at me).

Except it’s harder to hide it from people who are good at looking for it. Which, recently my brother’s girlfriend made a comment to which my brother confirmed. (I’d like to point out that I’m not mad or upset by it, it just doesn’t often get pointed out or questioned).

The comment was about my “compulsions” related to cleaning. Recently we showed her a tour of the house to which I scolded my brother about showing her our messy guest room, but I was told, “it’s not that bad!”.

But this is what my brain chooses to focus on, are my cleaning habits really a compulsion? Should I be ashamed of this? (No, I shouldn’t because it’s who I am.) then again, this makes me questions what other things I am obsessive about.

I thought about this all day, along with the nagging feeling that my sunroom and guest room needed cleaned – surprise, surprise I cleaned it today.

I guess if the worst I can get is compulsive cleaning, it truly can’t get too bad. I think I’ve just masked my whole life, when someone unmasks me – it can be jarring.

It’s also crazy to think that therapy when I was a kid, they taught you how to mask. They teach you masking with emotions, facial expressions, etc.

Yet now, they teach you to embrace yourself and love your differences. So, I’ll focus on that instead.

I feel over critical of myself today. We had the market, which went….okay. Admittedly, I have been having mood swings and I took it out on my mom today because I was frustrated. I couldn’t figure out this pattern that she used previous on a project she asked me to finish. I did it and redid it five times before I gave up and she did it. She sat down and did a few before standing up and actually interacting with people.

I feel that the first hour or so was my fault. Grandma did feel well, I was angry for no reason, and mom seemed sad.

Everyone started interacting and talking, I watch mom sell a couple of earrings and Gram sold some dominos, even her resin axolotls were a hit.

The only things I sold were two bags…to my own brother and mother in law. So I am disappointed in myself, but this was an experience and I have about a month to do other things.

The worst part is my mom had three earrings get stolen. I can’t help but blame myself for us sitting for the first part.

I need to find balance. I need to actually sleep and feel comfortable in my skin. If I’m miserable, I need to keep it to myself.

Today is pie day – something I didn’t know until I was on my way from my nail appointment. (So, happy 3/14!)

Today was a busy day for me.

5:30am I work up, rolled out of bed and willed myself to meet V at the gym by 6. We pushed through leg day between groans and feeling like death.

8am I arrived at work, clocked in, realized I messed the schedule up because there was one too many people there…but it all worked out. Sadly, euthanized another one of my favorite patients. That’s the second one this week. Bob Dylan, Jack – you boys will live in my heart forever. (We fed an Oreo to Jack before saying goodbye… he was not impressed but politely ate it anyways).

12pm my coworker announced that she was making a Oh Boba order to be delivered and suckered me into it. I got a lavender matcha!!! Look at how pretty.

5:30pm I arrived for my nail appointment and decided I was ready for acrylics – however, I did not realize they required more time (I didn’t think about it, okay) so we could not do them but next time, we will at my next appointment in April. But my nails are still adorable, look. (featuring Nyx’s butt in the back ground)

7pm we met v and her husband at a local brewery down the street from our house where we ate pizza from a food truck and played fun games. They even had a drink called a “Shrub” that was a mock tail that I could drink. It was made from fruits, vinegar, brown sugar, and seltzer water (I probably forgot a few items), but it was Cherry and Thyme. It was delicious!

9pm we got home and settled for the night. I was getting ready for the market that we have tomorrow. Where it will be another long day for me. We have to get there at 8am and stay until after 2pm to get everything all cleaned up. V and her husband plan on stopping by, so I’m so excited to have their love and support.

To finish my night, I am reading a chapter and then heading to bed. Happy Friday!

I didn’t want to get up today. My alarm went off and everything in me said to lay back down. But I got up anyways.

I always seem to struggle with the time chance in early Spring. My body won’t adjust quickly to more daylight. Apparently it can take a week to get your circadian rhythm back in check after daylight savings. I’m hoping I am returning back to normal.

Of course, it doesn’t help that I cut out preworkout. The mornings are harder to go about, especially driving to work. I get in this groggy phase.

I’ve been paying more attention to my caffeine intake as well. I’m trying to stick to 100mg or less. Today’s tasty treat: Starbucks matcha lavender late -they are back!!! And I’m just going to say, I earned it.

I’m hoping this will be enough to get me through the day. It’s only Thursday…but man am I ready for Friday.

Happy almost spring!

Lately, I’ve found myself reflecting on who I used to be. I remember a time when I was a hopeless romantic, navigating the ups and downs of love with the help of books that carried me through the darkest moments. Today, my thoughts turn to the journey that ultimately led me to my husband, and how those twists and turns shaped the person I am now.

I often think about the time before my ex—when I was lost in the hope of love, seeking affection from someone who never seemed to return it. That chapter was filled with uncertainty and longing, but I can’t quite compare it to the story with my ex; that one was too easy in hindsight, for reasons that are now crystal clear. What really stands out are the crushes I had before then. One in particular, a man I once pursued, comes to mind.

He was an old friend from high school, someone I hadn’t spoken to in years. One day, out of the blue, he messaged me about my truck, and before I knew it, we were talking constantly. We lived just down the road from each other, so it wasn’t long before we started hanging out. But all the while, I knew he was about to leave for the service. He promised he’d contact me when he was back in town—but when he did return, he didn’t reach out until it was almost time for him to leave again.

At that moment, I knew deep down that he didn’t feel the same way, but I couldn’t help myself. I wrote letters I would never send, trying to make sense of the situation. So, I moved on and looked for love elsewhere. It wasn’t long before something unexpected happened. One day, out of nowhere, he called me, saying he was outside my house. I let him in, and we talked about life—about me, about him—and eventually, he confessed he did have feelings for me. But he couldn’t say it outright. Instead, he spoke of me like I was someone else, and I felt a mixture of sympathy and frustration.

I helped him set up a dating app, and before long, he moved away and found someone. But even in those moments, I remember that feeling—the uncertainty, the vulnerability, the butterflies that swarmed in my stomach.

That feeling, though, was nothing like what I experienced when I met my husband. With him, there were no butterflies. There was no doubt. Instead, my heart pounded in my throat, and I felt an undeniable pull to be around him, to get to know him more. Our connection didn’t need words at first. It was a quiet dance we did around each other—showing up every day after work without ever really agreeing to make it happen. I felt calm, comfortable, and grounded whenever he was near.

With him, everything felt easy. He made it effortless to love him, and with every passing day, I found myself more sure of who I was with him. The love I had once searched for, the one I thought I needed to fight for, came to me naturally, without struggle. I often think about how misguided I was in my pursuit of love back then, how I was willing to settle for far less than what I truly deserved. But, in the end, none of that matters. Because I found exactly what I needed.

I am so incredibly thankful for him.

Today, my head ache has lived with me. I felt like a zombie walking from chore to chore at work and then at dinner with my family.

But this was my thought for today: if I had a spirit animal, what would it be? The answer is opossum. Ironically, that’s exactly the wild life one of the doctors brought in today.

I’d like to introduce you to this handsome gentleman.

In every way, shape or form, I relate to this creature. Plays dead, looks angry, doesn’t attack unless provoked, me, me, me.

I love this little dude. He got real ease back where he was taken from, after getting a clean bill of health. (He was found surrounded by dogs “booping” him to see if he was alive.

Veterinary medicine is cool.

Today I was thinking about spring time when I was in high school. Since we are nearing spring break for the rest of society, I was thinking about how we used to like go and camp as a family. Annette just brought me back so much teenage angst when it came to dating.

It made me think about all of the stories that I would read were appropriate for my age, but had a romantic under tone in a way that I would never understand.

Will probably never be in a position where the world is ending in the guy that I love is dying or being in love with an actual vampire werewolf.

But this kind of weather brings me back to late night target shopping, writing letters that I would never send. Crying over boys who wouldn’t text me back. Fantasizing about soccer mates.

It brings back this kind of nostalgia that I don’t think I’ll ever experience again and it humbles me because I’m so glad that I am not in any way shape or form in that place anymore so I have nothing to worry about since I found my person.

But it’s so funny to me how one little breeze, one little scent, one sip of a drink can bring you right back to when you were 16 and you thought the worst thing that could ever happen to you was a broken heart 

I allowed myself to sleep in later today. I took advantage of reading my book late and diving in deep into the story. It’s gotten so good.

I’m already 150 pages into the book and now I am worried I won’t be able to grab the fourth book before I finish the third one.

This also makes me want to do a granny square based on every book I’ve read this year. I’m curious how far I would get. So far I think I have read four books this year. I wonder if I would fill an entire blanket up before December.

Today is a nice day, so I think we will end up taking the dogs for a walk. Other than that, I plan on trying to get through some projects for the market.

Maybe I can convince Brandon to take me to Target or Barnes and Noble to pick up the other book…. mhmmm, decisions.

I’ve spent the majority of the day relaxing and crocheting projects for the market next weekend. I think I have a total of six items…I’m doing my best.

We also went to a party – I made it an hour before I tapped out to leave. I’m not feeling particularly social and I’m exhausted.

I am craving crawling into bed and reading my book until late tonight.

That’s what I did last night…I read until midnight. I’m in a really good part in the ACOTAR series.

I’m in love with Rhysand. I feel the need to hug Lucien. And I want Tamlin dead. (Anybody else?) I want to be best friends with Mor and Amren.

Don’t mind me while I disassociate on the couch about the Night Court.