I did it, today I went to the gym by myself, and damnit I am proud of myself. It was leg day and I was determined to get a good workout and I did. V texted me that she wasn’t feeling well and then I asked her for a few more leg workouts. (I remembered all but two.)

Even though I am extremely proud of myself, I still feel very emotional this morning.. I was too tempted and took a pregnancy test yesterday. Obviously came back negative but I am going to test again on the 25th. My stomach was cramping, I am having mood swings like crazy, I am peeing a lot (I cut down my water in take), I craved Dr. Pepper Blackberry real bad last night (I know this might just be a me thing), and I am fatigued fast these days. Although these are all symptoms, I know that doesn’t mean that I am pregnant….but a girl can hope. Send baby dust my way! I’m feeling really impatient.

Honestly, I’m glad that tomorrow is Friday and I have weekend plans with Brandon for Valentine’s Day and then coffee with my best friend in Virginia over FaceTime to catch up, I miss her so much.

I’m going to try to keep positive today and keep to myself. I want to avoid unnecessary crying…which sounds so lame. But tiny mistakes right now will send the waterworks and I am NOT interested. Please if I cry, let me cry in peace on break or in the car on the way home.

Send me positive thoughts today please! My mental health needs it.

This morning, I allowed myself to sleep in since I planned on working out after work. And in the morning I was emotional. I got upset over small things and wanted people to genuinely leave me alone.

I don’t understand where that feeling came from. But my mood swung from happy, to irritated, to sad, to doing okay. The rest of the day I was okay…but I still feel like lingering sad feeling.

Mood swings are a pregnancy sign… and honestly I hope that’s why I feel mentally teetering on the edge. I know chances are slim on your first try, but still. (I’m counting down the days I can take a text and confirm it).

Anyways, I left work around 1 pm and headed home. I planned to meet Vanessa at the gym at 2:30pm. We did back and biceps today but she had to leave to help family out. It was a nice warm up to what next week is going to look like for me – she’ll be out of town and I will be on my own.

Side note: she called me her best friend today (which obviously she is my best friend, but when I get a reassurance…it’s always so nice). I never feel like I’m anyone’s anything, it’s nice to be reminded. She told me I can text her on her trip about workout plans – so I confessed that I had been secretly writing our workouts down so that I can do them while she’s gone (she realized that’s why I ask what everything is called). Anyways.

I know I can do it, I just need to let myself be confident. (After all what am I scared of? – people approaching me or correcting me…which isn’t the worst thing in the world).

I finished my work out alone, then ran on the treadmill for 25 minutes hitting 2 miles and then heading home. My body feels throughly worked out and I’m proud to have hit some PRs today.

My brother helped me cook today too. He helped make home made collard greens (look, I’m an amateur chef at best) and they tasted amazing. I will definitely add them into my regular sides.

I started the day off sad and emotional and I’m ending it thankful and proud.

I’m gonna tell you right now, I love my job. I love going to work everyday, helping pets feel better, chatting with clients, making connections by helping their pets. But I will be the first person to go home early if asked – if our schedule is empty.

The thing is, I do not want to deep clean or literally scram for stuff to do. I’d rather watch paint peel. I would rather be chucked by a 50 kg dog into a wall during a nail trim. I would willingly feed my fingers to a maligator. (Belgian Malinois – for my Non-Vet-Med people). Basically, anything other than having an empty schedule.

Having a mundane task simply just to fill the time while I am at work is not mentally stimulating to me because I’m thinking of all of the other things that I could be doing if I was home. And if I was home, those tasks would be more satisfying to me. If I deep clean the rooms at work – I come home to my house needing the same thing.

Plus, I’ve been early in all week….I’d like to leave early for once. I take into consideration other people leaving early (unscheduled) and you know I feel that it’s time. (Maybe it’s selfish but hey, self care).

So, I offered to stay half the day. I’ll get everyone through lunches (the ones that are closing) and then I’m going to take off. Tomorrow, I’ll go to the gym after work instead of before…although I’m tempted to get on the treadmill tomorrow morning to keep my schedule regular.

When I got home from work, while dinner was cooking (chicken Alfredo), I swept and mopped the floors. So mentally, I am taking care of tasks I would have done tomorrow anyways – which feels good.

I never sit down, I’m never lazy. I always take advantage of the spare time that I have available to me to tackle tasks that I typically would do when my husband is occupied with a project or thing of his own.

I love cleaning, it soothes me. I am also a product of my environment. If my environment is messy, I feel messy and my mental health is disrupted. I believe this is a thing with type A personality?

Like I could take the extra time to do something I want to do. Like read more chapters of my book, play the game on my PS4, plays sims on the computer, draw, write, take the dogs on a walk, give my plants some TLC – but I always think of one task that leads to another, then another, then another….then I run out of “me” time.

Ultimately, my main focus everyday is how to accomplish my tasks/never ending to do list. (I use the finch app too…it helps!!) These tasks are never just about me. It’s doing the dishes, caring for my plants, cleaning, laundry, taking my vitamins, drinking water – just basic maintenance for my every day life.

So, I’ll allow myself to be selfish and leave early when I can. It’s good for my mental health, and I’ll never compromise that.

Next week V will be gone visiting a friend, that leaves me going to the gym by myself. I’m not opposed to this – I just have to sum up the rest of my confidence in order to do it. I know I can do it, it’s just a matter of will I.

I started writing down what machines we did in the gym today as we were doing them, so at least I had a reference when I do go.

I feel like such a gym baby, but that’s okay. At least I am getting up and doing it. I’m proud to say that this is week 3 and we both see a difference in ourselves and each other.

V has gotten slimmer and I feel like my muscles have become more defined – which is what we wanted.

I just wanted to go on a health kick before we started a family – this will probably be the best shape that I will ever be in and then never again. (Well, I hope again – but you know how hard it is with a family).

Anyways, happy Monday. I’m gonna go burn my tongue on oatmeal again!

I realize that I should be sleeping by now but I have my head stuck in a book. The second book of ACOTAR. I struggled with this book last year and took a break, but now I am back to it and I think I am actually retaining more of the book.

Some nights, I only read one chapter. Other nights, I read a hundred pages easy. I know that it gets good soon (I won’t spoil anything) but I am dying for that point right now.

Everyone loves to be so inspired or daydream about their favorite book -(right?) – when you have free time in your reality. Currently, I’ve been craving romance. I cannot get enough of it. Which is strange, because I have always been an action or mystery girl.

I wish that I could dedicate more time to reading tonight, but I am the 8am person tomorrow and I have to get up early for the gym.

I’m half debating on brining it and reading at lunch – but I know I’d have a hard time going right back after reading. (Or stopping in the middle of a chapter – drives me nuts!).

Honestly, I haven’t wrote much in my spare time lately because I haven’t felt inspired. Mostly, reading inspires me or even everyday life every once in a while.

So for now, I’ll rest my head. But I’ll be damned, I think I’m team Rhysand.

Short post today since we are in a couples weekend. We took the dogs for a hike and then went shopping.

I keep telling myself I do not need more plants…yet I keep acquiring them.

Today I am having lunch with my mom, she’ll be in town around the time of my lunch, so she asked me if I wanted to go out. She took a part time job being a substitute teacher a few miles from my job.

I’m excited because we are going to Chick-fil-a and I have been craving their frozen coffee since Dr. M ordered it for her kids for lunch yesterday.

I’m more excited because after work, we are leaving for the weekend. The cabin is going to be so nice and I’m so happy that the dogs will be coming with us. They love going on adventures with us.

This morning, had a slow start so I hope that this day will go by super fast. I ran out of my regular allergy medication, so I woke up with my sinuses hating me. We did a light workout at the gym, when V left I jumped on the treadmill and ran a slow two miles. My goal is to get my mile under ten minutes, I ran one that was ten minutes and five seconds…I’m close but it feels forever away. Although the treadmill helped stretch out my sore legs and I feel like I can walk again like a normal human.

I’m room float today, so I will be helping wherever I can. I’m happy to have gotten a break this week from running rooms. The past two weeks I felt like that is all that I have done. I got to be in surgery both days this week.

My highlight is that we spayed a guinea pig yesterday. It was so impressive and I loved being apart of it even if I was holding the tube to gas her and taking vitals. I’m so happy I got to be apart of it and watch it.

Happy Friday!

I am a creature of habit, therefore, I repeat shows nonstop and I never get tired of it. I am a Friends addict, anything that I do – it’s on in the background and then I mimic some of the lines. I recently started rewatching it again after I finished George Lopez.

I decided to rewatch old tv shows that I use to love to watch as a kid. I watched The Nanny before George Lopez too, I ran out of ideas so I started Friends up once again.

I’m actively watching it now, as I soak my poor sore legs in the tub with epsom salt. I am day dreaming of this weekend.

We are having a weekend get away, just the two of us and the dogs in a cabin. It’s only an hour away but I am super excited to be cuddled up and spending solo time together.

Since we have been married, we have not really had a time away like this together. We are constantly with my brother, or friends, or family. (Which isn’t a bad thing by any means – but I need us time!)

I am sitting here running a checklist through my head imagining what I need for this weekend, clothes wise, hiking and stuff for the dogs.

I’m hoping the weather will permit us to go hiking and spend some time outside, but staying in wouldn’t hurt otherwise. I think the dogs will enjoy it as well.

I’ll have a glass of champagne this weekend as well, just to celebrate us trying for kids. My first glass of anything since the new year.

Let me tell you, it’s been rough but I’m glad that I have made it through. Despite the pregnancy accusations, the hard days, and the temptation of Margaritas. I’m still beyond proud I made that goal for myself and I’m achieving it on my own terms.

I’m really looking forward to leaving tomorrow, can’t hardly wait!!

Last night, I passed out before 9:45pm. My goal every night is to be asleep before 10pm because I need all the energy in the morning to get through my long days. My arms were barely sore this morning, but, excuse my language – goddamn do my legs hurt already.

This morning we did legs and my thighs are already sore, I’m honestly scared for how they are going to feel tomorrow. Tomorrow, I am last in and will have to be at work until 5:30pm…. I think I may melt on the floor, especially since it is a surgery day.

I am very proud that I am sore from the gym. It just lets me know that I am doing work and getting results.

On the other hand, I love my new pots and pans. I have not struggled since we upgraded (and Brandon hasn’t found where I hid the other ones – or the plant I took home…it’s been almost a month lol). My pots and pans make me excited to try new recipes out and they have been great so far. I made homemade tomato soup – so good. I would absolutely throw that in my regular rotation.

Life is pretty good this week. I am super excited and counting down the days that we head off to our weekend get away. We need some us time!

Getting up before 6 AM is killing me. Yet by the time that I drink my pre-workout and it kicks in I’m so glad that I get up and make it to the gym. I think that it’s easier when you have somebody to keep you motivated and you know That you can rely on.

But even after my workout on certain days, if V has to go in before me, I make sure that I utilize that additional 20 minutes wisely. (most of the time I end up right back on the treadmill). When I played soccer running used to be a punishment if we lost a scrimmage if we had a bad game if we’re not playing tour potential. And here I am over and over again picking to run.

I think that, even though it felt like a punishment, then now I use it as a way to clear my head. If I’m upset, if I’m overthinking, if I want to keep going, but I’ve exhausted my weight lifting abilities for the day I’ve always chose to run.

While I was running on the treadmill this morning, I just chuckled at myself because I think I’ve always been a runner. In relationships and I’ve always enjoyed running which I thought was ironic. I think my half marathon days are long gone, but it’s a nice nod to who I used to be when I was younger. Although running them now doesn’t seem as bad, probably because if I did sign up for it I would actually train unlike when I was a kid.

I wanted to beat my personal record this morning by running a mile under 10 minutes but the closest that I got was 10 minutes in 10 seconds. Which in theory isn’t bad but it frustrates me just a little bit. I don’t think I pressed it as hard as I normally would because I know tomorrow is leg day and I don’t want to be burnt out

Even though I get up this early in the morning to go to the gym and make sure I have enough time to get ready for work before leaving after I get back home I feel no motivation and I’m scared for the days where I’m not gonna be able to take pre-work out.

Or even the days that I can no longer have coffee on the weekend. I have cut coffee out during the week for the most part. I honestly only do that because I have pre-workout in the morning and I’m terrified that my heart will explode, I know this is an irrational fear, but it keeps me from drinking more caffeine. I try to reward myself with one of the poppy sodas at lunch. I don’t think it has caffeine in it, but it’s a nice little midday treat.

Everybody cross your fingers and hope that I stay a functioning human being until later. Because I know I’m gonna turn into the crabby monster around six you guys should also probably think about my poor husband who has to deal with me when he gets home ha ha.