January 17th

Every now and then, I will have a heavier mental health day. I feel like today is one of those days.

Last night, I just felt so restless. I read a couple of chapters of A Court of Thorn and Roses, felt tired, and laid down after turning off the light. Then, I stared at the ceiling until much later. I tried to toss and turn, but it was difficult when Nyx lay on my blankets.

When I finally fell asleep, I dreamed a terrible dream, which stuck in my mind until my first alarm went off, and I snoozed it to allow reality to set in.

Isn’t it funny how deeply dreams can affect us? The most minor dream can change your mindset for the whole day. (Or perhaps you aren’t as sensitive as I am).

I don’t dream often; most of the time, when I have a dream, it is a goofy dream. Something that will have me waking up chuckling, and I’ll dismiss it quickly and shrug it off my shoulders.

Shortly after I got married, I dreamed of getting pregnant or having a child. My subconscious swirled with thoughts of a little mini-me. I’d smile thinking about it because I have always wanted to be a mother.

I have dreamed horrific ones following bad days at work, dreams of fluid pumps screaming, aggressive animals, and freezer kitties. One of them was that I watched up and hoped that the hospitalized patient was doing well that morning.

On other days, I dream about past traumas I do not often discuss for various reasons. These are the dreams that hit me the hardest, I struggle to shake these. That was the dream I had last night.

Sometimes, I’ll send my dreams to my best friend. She loves to look up the meaning of dreams to help me understand what is going on in my own mind. It’s fun dissecting apart our dreams like some kind of word autopsy.

Either way, I am thankful for dreams. It means that I got a deeper night’s sleep that I will be more refreshed and ready for the day to come. Let’s hope this coffee will improve my mood for the rest of Friday.