And there’s that feeling again sinking into my bones, something is wrong. Static runs through my nerves keeping me up at night, zapping me with new found fears, reminding me of old ones, and I curl underneath my blanket for safety. I will not move until my fears have subsided.

Leaving, I’ve never liked the term, it never suggests returning. Even if it was a promise, it cannot be guaranteed. It’s a chance you’re taking and not many people think about it like I do.

My safe place is here, under a pile of blankets, wrapped up with you on a cold night, listening to the gentle snores emitting from your sleeping body, and our favorite tv show in the back ground. It’s hard to leave that idea inside of my head.

It’s crippling to be so far out of reach, it makes me want to hide within myself. To try and keep my anxiety and depression contained, as if it will reflect harm on those close to me. I’ll have no escape, 600 miles away from comfort and no covers to hide under.

Home was never a place to me, it’s a feeling.