Last night was a bad night for me. All day, I felt congested, and my throat began to hurt. All I wanted to do was lie down and not move. But we went to dinner to celebrate my Husband’s stepdad’s birthday. Afterwards they all went over to the house, I went home.

Naturally, I felt left out. I was the only one in the house, I didn’t feel well and I didn’t want to be alone – yet there I was. I guess I could have went, but I think I would have been equally miserable.

They were all in the bar room, laughing, drinking, and playing pool/darts. Having a good time without me, I did not get a single text asking how I was feeling or that they missed me and I just felt bad.

I understand that this is a product of overthinking and not feeling well (Plus cold medication?) But I always feel sometimes I am the last person people think of.

I do not think that I am the favorite friend, or daughter, or partner. I just feel like I exist outside of everything. For once, I wish that I felt like I was someone’s number one.

I spent the majority of the time crying until I decided it was time to go to bed. I tried to read, I just got through one chapter, I tried to journal and doodle – nothing came out right. No one came home until around 11pm.

Honestly, this morning isn’t the best either. My head hurts, I am still crying, and I need to try to find peace.

Or at least work on the second baby blanket some more, at least I got one down!