This week I started my going back to work routine since I go back next week on Monday. Which means that bedtime starts at 8pm, and at her 6am feeding, I am up for the day, while she will fall back asleep on her own until 7:30am. That gives me an hour and a half to myself in the morning.

So far everything has gone well with the routine, however, it is like she is feeling a shift in the dynamic (or possibly going through a growth spurt or “leaping”) since she has been cluster feeding and extra fussy the past two days.

She refuses to be set down, so lots of contact napping and not much schoolwork – which is okay, I am soaking in these last few days together.

It feels so strange that almost twelve weeks ago, she was brought into this world and now I am going to be thrown right back into work and expected to be normal.

I am nervous about returning to work, I do miss work, but I know I am going to miss her company more. It helps that she will be with family and not some stranger or daycare facility.

I am just feeling new mother’s guilt on leaving her.

On the other hand, the weekends and week nights will be extra special snuggling her and spending her wake windows. During my leave, we decided to turn our untouched sunroom into a playroom for her.

For three weeks, I have been painting this plant mural on the largest wall, and today, with my mom’s help, I finished it. My goal was to have it done before the end of my maternity leave so that we can use it for tummy time and we did it.

Tomorrow, I just need to lift the books that are flattening the carpet up and lay out a tummy time mat. Maybe one of these days she will let me set her down long enough to put the shelving unit I got for her toys together, too. My sister-in-law is also gifting us a play kitchen set, which she cannot use now, but my niece can.

I’m so excited for all of those things…is it possible I love her too much?

Here is the mural with the ladder obstructing my picture: