The ghost’s of my past friendships have been visiting me this past week. First, Blondie visited. Reminding me of the times we use to ride around in the car, blaring every song that meant everything to us as a group and reminding me how silent it is now that the radio is stolen. 

Now, I’m being visited by my filmmaker friend. I don’t have a clever nick name for him, but I could not have survived seinor year without his influence on my life.

This time he appeared to me in a dream vs a day dream like before.

We sat across from one another, as we use to do once a day during lunch time, chatting just as if a single day hadn’t gone by . I could tell things were different between us, there wasn’t this -expectation- hanging over me. I didn’t feel obligated to share feelings, you were merely a brother to me and in this version it seemed that the sibling feeling was mutual…not just a lie you told me.

We were speaking to one another about our families, my husband, your wife, the kids we had with them. It felt peaceful, not forced.

I imagine that this is how we would have been, had those expectations not to have been a deal breaker for our friendship. Maybe you would have helped me get out of my past relationship faster, maybe you would have encouraged me to go for it with my now husband.

When I woke up from my dream, I felt so jarred. I hadn’t thought of you in years, and there you were fresh on my conscious. It makes me wonder if you ever made it that far, or if, you’d include me in your own life story as I do you.